


Obsequious

by cinnamorose



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: "it" being his stability whoops, "wow" after kissing, (kinda lmao), 3AM Movies, Based on a Vocaloid Song, First Kiss, Hyperventilation, Injury, Love Confessions, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mentions of Starbound, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Scratching, Tokiya has bad time management skills asmr, Tokiya stays up too late on accident asmr, [makes everything that can go wrong go wrong], a couple things livin rent free in his head, and more minor lyrics from other songs, haha it only goes down from here!, he then proceeds to stay up even later on purpose, hell have his own, i hope yall like repetition bc good god, ill give u all a cuter chapter then uwu, its not too bad tbh but his ankle went yaga, its wholesome but were making fun of him lmao, just open ur eyes. clown., n then he can play w ren, ren is totally into u bro, that sentence is gonna get ti. r. ing, this is fun for me, tokiya has a hylotl (:, tokiya will get it later dw, try and guess which one comes in where
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-07
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-24 19:24:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21343456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cinnamorose/pseuds/cinnamorose
Summary: "Why not be... Tokiya Ichinose?"Tokiya finds himself challenged by that sort of question for a while. After an injury, the challenge turns into a plague.
Relationships: Ichinose Tokiya & Ittoki Otoya, Ichinose Tokiya & Kotobuki Reiji, Ichinose Tokiya & Kurusu Shou | Kurusu Syo, Ichinose Tokiya/Jinguuji Ren, Jinguuji Ren & Kurusu Shou | Kurusu Syo, Jinguuji Ren & Mikaze Ai
Comments: 5
Kudos: 11





	1. Appetite

“Isn’t he just more than everything?”

Tokiya absently peeks over his menu, looking towards the table next to him. Someone at it was excitedly talking, pointing to her phone’s screen. Her friend was watching with her, a grand smile on his face. He strained to hear the faint music coming from it. His latest performance.

“Oh man, you mean Tokiya?” He asks. “God, he’s so cool. He has a beautiful voice!” His heart thumps in his chest at that. The simple fact that he’s loved like this. The man even asked to see if it was him, specifically. His heart thumps excitedly. It’s amazing.

He wishes… For more.

Ever since he started this business, he’s been increasingly more and more desperate for hearing people’s opinions on him. If he’s not the right persona, he’ll just move to being the next one on stage, like he did from HAYATO to now. Strangely enough, it’s almost perfect the way it is. He remembers his last interview with humour.

* * *

“Ichinose-san, what are you most proud of?”

Tokiya leans back in his seat, crossing one leg over the other. He smiled, his hands rested in his lap. “What am I most proud of?” He repeats, tilting his head curiously. “Well… I suppose that I’m proud of how I can do anything asked of me, no matter the possible challenge.”

“Can you please explain further?” The interviewer asks, smiling at him sweetly.

“Any expectations you have of me, I can and shall consume perfection.” He says, tilting his head. “I’ll make sure I do it, no matter the difficulty of it.”

The interviewer laughs, and Tokiya smiles gently. “What? Do you not believe it? If that’s the case, why not give me something?”

“Oh, I believe you. But, that’s too good of an offer to turn down.” They say. “In that case… You said you’d do anything someone expects of you?” He nods. “Then, why not do what you expect yourself to do? Or, why not be… Tokiya Ichinose?”

Tokiya pauses, his expression changing. “… What’s that meant to mean?” He asks, a hand coming up to his chin. As far as he’s concerned, ‘Tokiya Ichinose’ is who and what the fans desire.

The interviewer sits up straighter. “Just do something you've always wanted on stage!” He thinks, then smiles.

“Well…” He thinks, then hums. “… I already do that, but I’ll keep it in mind.”

* * *

He hums, fixing his disguise and giving a small smile at the table, returning to his menu. Whatever meal he had tonight barely compared to the sweet taste of their praise, sating his appetite.


	2. Recalling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tokiya thinks back on the question asked to him.

Getting home was lonely with his two roommates out, but a lot calmer. More time to prepare, to practice for tomorrow.

_ Why not be… Tokiya Ichinose? _

The words stop him dead in his tracks as he stands at his dresser, hands on it to open it up and get clothes for himself.

Why not be Tokiya Ichinose? What does that even mean? A shudder runs up his spine uncomfortably, as if that interviewer knew more than what they let on. He picks through his clothes, trying to smother the words down in the back of his mind and focus on what's at hand instead.

* * *

When Otoya and Reiji came back in, he was already curled up in bed, reading silently. His eyes deviated from the page for only a second, to acknowledge the both of them, before he’s looking back down.

“You have to admit, I did  _ really _ well! Didn't I look so cool?!” Otoya gushes. Reiji laughs at his junior’s extreme excitement and watches him as he runs around their room.

“You were super cool, Otoyan! I was impressed by how much you did!” The brunet says. He looks over to Tokiya, smiling and waving some. “Hey, Tokki! Are we interrupting ya?” He asks.

“Not at all, but thank you for asking.” He says. “Is he talking about the photoshoot?”

“Yup! You remember shooting the cover art for ‘Target is You!’ and how cool you looked?”

The younger man nods, focused on his book as he continues listening to Reiji. “Well, they wanted Otoya to do something kinda like that. We were asked to take inspiration from someone we care about. Guess little Otoyan really cares about you?” Otoya whines and Reiji laughs, a slight smile coming to Tokiya’s face. They’re too sweet.

* * *

Tokiya barely realised he stayed up so late until he checked the time, seeing how it’s most definitely  _ not _ only 10pm like he initially thought, and is really closer to almost 2 in the morning. He pauses, setting down his book and getting under his blankets properly. He has work in the morning, he can’t simply miss sleep.

But for some reason, his mind is racing too fast. Too much of the same sentence over and over:  _ Why not be… Tokiya Ichinose? _

Why not? Why can’t he be Tokiya Ichinose? He rolls over, facing the wall. It pulls at his head, its claws sinking into his brain. The question’s fangs sink into him, injecting him with venom of questioning himself. He always thought of being just Tokiya Ichinose however. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind, not even a possibility of ‘Tokiya Ichinose’ being anyone else. After Hayato, he made sure it wouldn’t happen again.

His phone vibrates next to him, and he reaches for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tokiya go to fukin sleep its like. too early


	3. Messages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tokiya got a message from someone.

Tokiya squints a little at the blinding light of his phone, quickly lowering it before he burns his eyes out in the dead hours of the morning. It wasn’t much longer that he read who the texts were from.

Ren.

Unlocking and opening his phone, he’s quick to read what Ren sent.  _ eyy ichi, u up? _

_ Yes, Ren. Why do you ask? _

_ wanted to know if u wanted to do smth later _

That sparked the man’s interest.  _ What is it? _ He watched the little dots on his screen appear and stay up for quite a while. Either Ren fell asleep, or he’s typing something  _ very _ long out.

_ ok so me n ochibi-chan wanted to see if u wanted to join us to see a movie tonight,, this morning,, smth, its at 3. but also, we wanna know what movie u wanna see. hes saying some new hyuuga-sensei movie—like u should expect anything else from him—and im saying smth romantic. _ Tokiya chuckles a little as he reads on.  _ so like, if u wanna join, u got any movies u wanna see? _

It does sound nice to go out with them.  _ That sounds lovely. What movie were you thinking of, Ren? _

* * *

“Y’know, that movie  _ could _ have been worse.”

Ren hums smugly. “It could have, but it wasn’t. Are you glad we watched instead of Hyuuga-sensei’s movie?” He asks. Tokiya trailed behind the two by a few steps, content in listening to them.

“It was the new one! But, I guess I can always see it some other time.” Syo shrugs. Ren looks back over his shoulder. “So yeah, I guess I enjoyed it.”

“Hey, Ichi. How was the movie?” He pauses, noticing his distant look. Stopping to fall into step with the other man, he bumped into Tokiya’s shoulder when he’s at his side.

Tokiya jolts out of his thoughts, stopping and looking at Ren. “A-Ah, is anything wrong?” He asks, watching Ren with curious eyes.

“Mm? That’s what I was gonna ask you. You okay, mister space explorer?” Ren asks, petting his hair and watching Tokiya blush in embarrassment with a soft smile.

“I am. Did you ask me anything?”

“Yeah. What’d you think of the movie?”

Tokiya thinks on it for a bit. “Mm… It was nice. Really nice. I think I liked it more than I would’ve liked Hyuuga-sensei’s new movie coming out.”

“Two to one, Ochibi-chan.” Ren says, grinning at the shorter man. Syo huffs.

“Jeez, I already said to quit calling me that!” He grumbles. “And, yeah, it was nice. I already agreed, and said I’d just go watch it some other time!” Syo pauses for a bit, looking back to Ren. “... Ugh, you just like feeling like you won, don’t you?”

Tokiya can’t help but laugh just a little bit at that. The two of them bicker often, but with good in their hearts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thats the direct opposite of going to sleep you goddamn mess, PLEASE nap already


	4. Harmed

Tokiya twists to the sound of the music, his legs bending as his body turns. It’s tiring, so tiring, to do this over and over. But he’s determined to give the best possible performance to the fans.

As the song finally ends, he hears someone calling out to him. “Hey, Tokiya! Don’t overwork yourself!” After a quick peek over his shoulder, he spots Otoya smiling at him.

“Ah. I won’t, Otoya, don’t worry about that," he says, flashing the redhead a slight smile.

“Me and Cecil are gonna practice our part together. Make sure you go around and stretch and everything!” Cecil waves from his place next to Otoya, beaming. The two of them have their own separate part, being the ones in the duet. Meanwhile, everyone else has their own bit in the back, allowing the half brothers to have the spotlight until its short end.

“Of course," he responds, sighing and leaning back in his seat. He absently notices the soft blue eyes nearby, watching him with a smile. For some reason, he felt his heart beat faster in his chest.

… Who was he kidding? He knows  _ exactly _ why it was. He can pretend as much as he felt that he didn’t know why, as much as he wants that he doesn’t really feel what he does, but when it all boils down to it, Tokiya knows  _ very _ well.

Tokiya has a crush on Ren. And it wasn’t even a small one—he’s found himself staring at the strawberry blond fairly often when they were up on the stage.

It’s been there for a while now, since their academy days, before even Cecil was around. The two were always close, everyone whispered behind their backs about how they danced around one another, with gentle looks and soft words whenever they were turned. Tokiya was fairly positive Ren didn’t notice their words—he didn’t even feel the same way to Tokiya, probably—but Tokiya knew every one of them.

Not only did he have doubts of any emotions Ren might hold towards him, but even if there  _ was _ something, Tokiya knew he wouldn’t have a chance. Their job prevented them from anything.

“Heya, Ichi," Ren says, snapping Tokiya from his thoughts. “You did well.”

Praise. His heart swells excitedly in response. It didn’t even need to be from Ren for Tokiya to feel excited. He hums. “Thank you. I feel I could do better, though.”

“Mm? Didn’t Otoya  _ just _ say to not overwork yourself?” Ren teases. His face burns a little. He has a point, but he still could do better. He knows he could.

“Well, yes, but… I want to be the best I can be," he says. Ren laughs.

“Always aiming to be the best. Jeez, Ichi, you might as well make us backup dancers, let you be the main star of the show," Ren teases, standing to come over to Tokiya. His face burns more at the playful acts. “Well, what were you thinking of doing, Mr. Perfect?”

“I… I don’t know," he mumbles. “I can’t do anything near what Otoya or Syo can do…” Something burns in him at that. He can’t do just what they can. Is it jealousy? Is it disappointment in himself? He can’t think of it. “... But, if I push myself just a little more…”

“Careful, Ichi. You’ll get hurt again if you’re not," Ren says, resting a hand on Tokiya’s shoulder. The raven-haired man sighs roughly, closing his eyes.

“... I know, I know, I shouldn’t go too far. But…” He balls up his fists, looking up to face Ren. “I’ll… Do a little more, okay? And if you’re worried, I’ll stop. Okay?”

Ren watches his face for a moment, a slight frown on his face. “... I’m trusting you to keep yourself safe, Tokiya," he says. When Tokiya nods, he pats his shoulder. “Seriously, you better not get yourself hurt.”

“I won’t. Don’t worry, Ren," he promises, feeling Ren pat his head.

“Alright, then. Go on and do what you need," he says, giving him a small smile.

Tokiya returns his smile, getting to his feet. He moves along, stretching out a little before he starts back up again.

Ren stares at him, focused on Tokiya’s movements. His eyes soon grow concerned when he first sees him stumble. “Tokiya, you okay?”

“I’m fine, don’t worry about it," he says breathlessly. He pushes himself harder, more and more. Ren’s small flicker of concern quickly grows as Tokiya goes on.

“Please, Ichi, take a break. Don’t go too hard on yourself," he says. The second he notices his request falls on deaf ears, he gets up to come over to the man. “Ichi. Ichi!”

Another stumble, but this one is worse. Tokiya cries out in pain, falling off balance. Panic fills Ren’s eyes.

“Tokiya!”

He hits the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and oh how it goes down


	5. Pained

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After his injury—thankfully only minor—Tokiya has a few visitors, some more welcome than others.

Tokiya’s eyes move up from his bandaged and iced ankle to see Ren and Syo standing in front of him, a nervous look on his face. Fuck.  _ Fuck _ .

“… I…”

Ren shakes his head, moving to sit on the edge of the bed. “Hey, don’t be sorry, Ichi,” he says, turning and smiling at the man. He takes one of Tokiya’s hands into his own, gently squeezing it. “Just go ahead and get better, alright?”

“I— But I put behind the performance!” He insists, feeling stress fill his gut. He’s so stupid. He’s so  _ selfish _ . This wouldn't have happened if he just fucking  _ listened _ for once. He drops back against the headboard, hands coming up to rub at his eyes. Ugh,  _ dammit _ . He feels like crying. He feels like crying  _ so badly _ .

Syo shrugs. “So what?” He asks, dropping down on the other side of the bed and kicking one leg up on it as he looks at him. “It’s just one performance! People aren't gonna be mad we’re putting it off, they’ll be happy so long as we’re all okay!”

He's got to be lying. How would he know? Everyone expects so much out of him, expects him to be at the top of his game, to reach for the  _ fucking _ stars and go beyond. They don't expect half as much from Syo, or Ren, or anyone, or anything, or—

“Hey, Ichi.” A hand rests on his knee, snapping him out of his thoughts. He looks up to Ren, seeing the gentle look on his face. “You need to get anything off your chest? It really looks like you're—”

Tokiya cuts him off there, quickly shaking his head with a sigh. “No, no,” he says, “I’m alright. I guess… I’m just worried about disappointing.”

Ren smiles. “Jeez, Ichi. Even wounded you can't stop thinking about work, can you?” He teases. When Tokiya looks away, he laughs a little, reaching to pat his shoulder. “Sorry, sorry. I wasn't meaning to sound like I’m making fun of you,” he says. Tokiya looks back to him as he continues. “I just think it's surprising that you do that. You're always so focused on your work, Ichi…” If it weren't for his eyes, Tokiya might’ve missed the worry in his tone. “Why not have a break for a bit?”

“I… Well, I have to,” he says, nodding towards his ankle. He  _ is _ taking a break, right? He can’t exactly move around too much, not without risking more damage, and with how much he needs to be on his feet, jumping around and all, he simply can’t risk that. But when Ren hums and shakes his head, he frowns. No?

“No, I mean an  _ actual _ break. Not a break from injury, I’m talking relaxing in your own time. Doing the things you love,” Ren says, resting his elbows on his knees as he leans over.

“… Yeah. I know,” he sighs. Of course, of course. He knew about that at first. Why didn’t he just say it? Ugh.

“Seriously, Tokiya,” Syo speaks up suddenly, and Tokiya remembers he’s here. “You need to relax on yourself. You’ve been working your ass off, I’m worried you’re just gonna go and get hurt again after your ankle heals.”

Tokiya scoffs. “I’m not,” he says, and Syo gives him a skeptical look. “Really! I’m not!”

“… You’re falling back into your bad habits from our academy days.” Tokiya’s chest tightens. “Otoya told us some other things you’ve been doing, and…” He trails off, and Otoya sighs before he speaks up.

“It’s not as bad as back then, Syo, trust me,” he says. “I promise, after these weeks are over, I’ll take a break. A  _ real _ one.”

Syo watches him, then smiles and nods, patting his knee. “Alright,” he says, standing. “I’m holding you to that one!”

Ren hums, getting up as well. “Get some rest, okay, Ichi?” He says, stealing Syo’s hat to put it on. As Syo yells at him, Tokiya’s focused on that gentle look of his. Such pretty eyes…

“… A-Ah, yes,” he says, nodding and looking away. Ren hums, quickly leaving the room before Syo gets a chance to grab the hat off his head, leaving the shorter man running after him and shouting expletives and to return his hat.

Despite the warm feeling Ren left him with, a sudden unease settled over him.

_ Why not be Tokiya Ichinose? _

He settles back, the question swallowing him whole in the silence of the room. Suddenly, everything seems much… Larger, leering over him with angry eyes.

He squeezes his eyes shut and holds onto a pillow, awaiting the return of both roommates.

* * *

When the both of them returned, Tokiya was deep into a book he had next to the bed. “Tokki!” Reiji says, coming to his side and setting a bag of… Something down. “How've you been, bookworm?”

He looks up to Reiji as he speaks. “Kotobuki-san. I’ve been alright.” When Otoya comes over, he nearly sits on Tokiya’s—thankfully good—ankle when he drops down to sit on his bed. “Where have you two been out to?”

“We got some dinner!” Otoya cheers, setting his bag down and opening it to pull out two food boxes. “Well, and some other things! But we didn’t really wanna leave you out, soooo we brought it all home!” He hands one over to Tokiya, smiling as the man takes it and setting his own in his lap. Meanwhile, Reiji is pulling up a chair, smiling.

“Ah… Thank you, you two,” Tokiya says, smiling gently as he opens the box. Reiji hums, pulling his own box of food out of his bag. “This is really sweet, you didn't need to go out of your way.”

“Aw, Tokki, you don't gotta be so humble!” The brown-haired man laughs. “We’re not gonna get tasty stuff and leave you totally out of it! That’d be awful!”

Tokiya smiles at that. The both of them are sweet. Enough so that his head feels clearer, calmer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :3


	6. Rotten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren comes to visit Tokiya and help him relax a little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is gonna be a cute chapter! they r playing my fav game starbound! (:

Tokiya shifted in place impatiently, his eyes swimming around the entire room. He’s been feeling just _ awful _ here. Not working, not improving himself, not doing what’s expected of him. Just… Resting. And sitting, and reading, and _ thinking_.

He can’t _ stand _ the thinking. He can’t stand having to hear the same question over and over and over, getting louder and louder. _ Why not be Tokiya Ichinose? Why not do what you want? _ What he _ wants _ is to _ please_, to bring smiles to the faces he works for, to bring happiness. What else is he _ supposed _ to want? He’s an idol, goddammit!

Tokiya grumbles angrily, hands running through his hair. Ugh. He _ hates _ this. Quickly, his hands come up to rub at his eyes hard, his breath coming in pants. He can’t fucking breathe, he can’t hear, it’s like ringing.

“Ichi! Are you asleep?”

Tokiya flinches hard. “Ah!” He gasps, looking up with widened eyes. Ren! “I… I’m in here. I’m awake. What do you need?”

The door slowly opens, Ren’s face appearing. He’s alone this time, it looks. “Hey, Ichi. How’ve you been?” He asks, coming over to sit on the edge of his bed. He’s carrying a bag with him, and when he sits, he moves to sit it on his lap. Tokiya shifts, squinting his eyes in a wince as he puts his back against the headboard. “Ah, are you okay?”

“I’m alright, to both questions,” he says, giving him a charming smile. That seems to relax Ren, and Tokiya feels his nerves calm. “What’re you coming here for?”

“I guessed you’d be bored in here, so I wanted to come and see you, try and brighten up your day. You know?” He says, wrapping his arm around Tokiya’s shoulder. He can’t help the way his face goes red when he gets pulled in, and strangely enough, neither can Ren. “I know you’re not particularly the type to play games, but I brought my laptop, just in case you wanted to play one. You know?”

That’s so sweet of him. “Ah, I… Actually, I’d like to try one. If that’s okay?” He asks, resting his head on Ren’s shoulder. Ren hums, turning a little and opening up his bag. “Is there any one that you recommend?”

“Well, since I’ve only got mine right now and since Aimi is still working, I wouldn’t really recommend the MOBA we play,” he says. Tokiya can’t help but feel his stomach twist. He hasn’t been working…

“But,” he says, and Tokiya snaps out of his worries to keep listening, “there’s a couple low-thinking games I think you’d like. Most of which we could play together. Mostly, ah, building ones.” As Tokiya looks at his screen, he watches Ren pull open Steam and go to a game. Ah, Starbound? He spoke about it a few times. “The most you'd need to worry about is surviving and fighting monsters and stuff.”

“Ah, like Minecraft?” He’d watched over Otoya’s shoulder a couple of times when he played with the two and some others. When Ren nods, he can't help but feel pleased in himself.

“Mmhm, kinda. But, 2d, and more spacey,” he says, playing with Tokiya’s hair absently. He relaxes, humming. This is awfully nice.

* * *

When Ren left, it was after a while of playing, getting a bit late in the night. He looked sad to go, shrugging and saying Ranmaru would bite his head off if he wandered in late and woke him up. The games were pretty fun, pretty relaxing. He died only a couple of times, Ren humming and saying he's doing well. Absently, he wonders how much it costs. Maybe he wants to play _ with _ Ren…

_ What do you want? _

He chokes on his own breath, tensing up. What? He shifts nervously, curling in on himself. Why would he think that question? Why does it matter?

_ Why not be… _

No.

_ … Tokiya… _

No!

_ … Ichinose? _

“No!” He barks, clamping his hands over his mouth to stop any more screaming after. Oh no. Oh _ no. _ No no no no no…

Tears come to his eyes as quickly as he shut himself up. He feels sick, dizzy, stupid. With a sob, he shakes himself. Why did he think that? Why was he so obsessed? Why does this have to happen?

His hands come up to his hair, gripping tightly. He’s such an idiot. Ren just came to relax him and he just _ had _ to go and fuck it up. He took time out of his own day to check in on Tokiya, and he undid all of his hard work in such little time.

He drags his knees to his body, pain shooting up from his ankle. It hurts. It all hurts. He can’t breathe, he’s going to suffocate and die here. The walls leer over him with baleful eyes, the blankets squeeze him tighter. He whines and curls in, trembling. It's too much. It’s all too much. Words run through his head of everything said in the past week, jumbling all together. He wants to kick, to run, to do something. He wants to… He wants to…

He can’t… Breathe…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [bonks tokiya on the head with his own hand] hahahahaha y r u hittng urself y r u hitting urself why r u hitting urself y r you hitting yourself lol


	7. Rest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone comes in on Tokiya when he's struggling.

Tokiya snaps back to reality, grabbing at his shirt tightly. It finally registered that he was feeling so lightheaded from hyperventilating. His throat burned, his lungs felt just too tight, but he can't stop. His eyes are wide, he feels paralysed. He can't even make a sound, call out weakly, anything. Panicked, he scratches his nails over himself through his shirt.

The room was spinning around and he felt like throwing up. His eyes couldn't focus on any one thing; the second they landed somewhere, he darted them away to another spot, and then the second they focused there, onto the next. He was all too aware of the room. It was choking him. His arms burned. He was choking. He coughed hard and wheezed in a gasp of air desperately. He’s choking, he’s choking. He’s going to die in here, he’s going to die.

Thank god Reiji came in. He looks over to the man briefly, watching him drop his bags and come over. “Tokki!” He gasps, sitting at the side of the bed and reaching towards him. He stops, watching how Tokiya reacted closely before touching him, first with a gentle touch, then softly resting his full hand on his shoulder. When Tokiya doesn't do anything to push him away, he gets up onto his bed to pet him. “It's okay, it's okay…” He says gently.

The petting and soft words finally broke his otherworldly trance, stopping his hyperventilating with a choked sob. Reiji pulls the man to him, resting his head on his chest and breathing slowly, deeply, on purpose. Tokiya listened to it as he sobbed, slowly forcing himself to copy his senior's breathing.

He felt dizzy, like he was floating, but he eventually calms down, his breathing just a little jagged but a lot better. His throat is raw, and his entire face feels disgustingly wet. Now thinking about it, the burning in his arms sting, too. “You're okay, it's okay, kiddo…” Reiji murmurs. He's glad he doesn't question it. Slowly, he shuts his eyes.

“Thank… You…” Tokiya murmurs weakly. His throat feels horrible. His head feels horrible. He wants to sleep for a week, not have to deal with work. He lets himself be laid down, lets his hair be pet gently.

“Jeez, you did a number on yourself…” Reiji whispers to himself. He softly touches Tokiya’s bicep, and the younger man winces at that. Fuck, that hurts. “Do you want to be left alone now?” Tokiya shakes his head. Reiji smiles a little, nodding. “That's fine! I'll just work in here. I think after that, you need a nap, huh?”

Tokiya nods and rolls onto his side, watching his senior pull away and go get his notebook, then drop down into a chair and do who knows what. With him here, it's… A lot more comfortable, really. Normally he can't stand having to listen to him constantly, but when he's gone and now, he finds himself missing the older man and really appreciating his company, as long as he's not going on loudly about whatever. He closes his eyes, letting himself calm down properly and relax his body.

He doesn't sleep, but he does let himself rest. When Otoya comes in, he quietly and tiredly opens his eyes, giving the redhead a little wave before shutting them again. He feels exhausted after that. Previous times this has happened, he hasn't felt so bad.

Without realising it, Tokiya had began drifting to sleep.

* * *

Tokiya woke up to the mostly empty room, seeing Ai sitting on the edge of his bed and tapping away at his phone. As he sits up, he looks over the various bandages covering his arms. Ah, that's not good. Surely they’ll heal soon…

“Good morning, Tokiya.” Ai’s voice scares him and he sucks in a breath, eyes wide as he stares back at the android. Cyan eyes bore into him and he shifts around a little.

“Mikaze-san, good… Good morning,” he says, his voice just a tad small. Ai returns to his phone as he continues speaking.

“Reiji and I patched up your arms. They’ll hurt, but they’ll be alright,” he says. Tokiya can’t figure out if he’s reading something, playing a game, or watching a video as he talks, but he's not particularly interested in finding out. “Are you alright? He told me about how he found you.”

Tokiya felt like his stomach was full of lead and his mouth was full of cotton. He didn’t need another person to worry about him, he didn't need it. He’d… He’d be alright, as he always would be. “I… I’m fine, you don't need to worry,” he says after a moment, and the look Ai gives him freezes his blood.

“Tokiya, you had been hyperventilating to a point of becoming near unconscious and you managed to tear your own skin. Do not lie to me; if you are not well, you are not well,” he says, his expression softening at the way Tokiya shrinks away from his blunt tone. “I apologise for being rough, but I don't want you to feel as though you cannot accept someone's help.”

“I… Understand,” he breathes, hands rubbing over his arms. He winces and Ai gently reaches over, pulling them away and shaking his head. “I’m— I’m sorry.” His eyes turn downwards, to his lap. Guilt gnaws at his insides, and he feels a wave of stress hit him for being so ridiculously stupid. Ugh.

“Don’t be,” Ai murmurs, gently rubbing his back. “Let me get Ren to take over, so I can head out. He’s been dying to see you ever since he got home.” Ren wants to see him that bad? Well… They were classmates, back at the academy, and they’ve worked together a lot, and… Well…

He doesn't really get to continue his thoughts as Ai stands, going to the door and leaning out to look around. “There you are, you lost puppy dog. Come on in,” Ai says, stepping out entirely. No sooner than his leaving is Ren coming in, brushing his hair from his face. Of course, it just fell back into his face, but the action still made Tokiya’s heart race nonetheless.

“Hey, Ichi,” Ren says, sitting on the bed and leaning back on one hand with a smile. When Tokiya smiles back, he almost swears Ren’s expression grows fonder. “How’d you sleep?”

“Ah, it was okay,” he says, watching as Ren moves to sit up closer to him and pull him close. It looks like he brought his laptop again. Did he really look like he was enjoying himself that much last time?

“I’m glad. I was told you slept like a rock by Ikki,” he says, laughing a little as he rests his head on Ren’s shoulder. “How about a few games? Heard something from Bukki you were in a rough spot, so I thought they might relax you a little.”

“Are you trying to get me addicted so you have another gaming partner? Is Mikaze-san not enough for you?” Tokiya huffs, watching as Ren opens his laptop. The strawberry blond only laughs, and the sound is sent straight to Tokiya’s heart.  _ Oh. _

“Aw, you wound me, Ichi,” he says, turning to look at him. “I just thought it’d be good for you to relax at them, since it worked last time.” Tokiya chuckles, almost missing the way Ren’s eyes widen and then soften again. “C’mon, why not Starbound again? Your Hylotl misses being played.”

“What about all of  _ your _ characters, Ren? I’d seen plenty when you had to scroll for me to make one,” he teases, and Ren coughs into his hand.

“Quiet, you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am biased 2 hylotls in starbound. theyre my 2nd favourite race. not as good as novakid 2 me but theyre up there
> 
> also [shakes Tokiya by his shoulders] how are u so blind???? how do u not see the way ren looks @ u??? HOW??????


	8. Work

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tokiya is finally able to be walking again. Of course, he'll be going to back to working immediately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y do i feel like i named another chapter of smth "work" b4? or a story?

When Tokiya was finally able to walk again without the need of some type of aid or worrying over the risk of hurting himself further, almost immediately he was getting himself ready for work yet again. That didn't quite fly with a select few, though.

“Ichi, I thought you said you were going to take a break?” Ren asks, standing outside the door with his arms crossed. Next to him is Syo, mimicking his behaviour, but with a more disappointed look, rather than a concerned one. Tokiya’s heart sank down into his stomach, then sank even further. “Come on, you can have a day just to yourself, of course.”

“I just…” He starts, looking between the two staring at him. What’s he supposed to even say? That he lied? That he just wanted to work? That he feels sick not doing anything?

“C’mon, Tokiya, you even  _ said _ you'd take a break once your ankle healed up,” Syo adds in, putting his hands on his hips and puffing out his chest. Tokiya gripped his sleeve. “And now you’re here getting ready to work, ‘cause we know you. That's a work outfit.”

“You memorised the outfits I take for work?” Tokiya asks, trying to focus on that part of the conversation. To no avail, though, seeing the way Syo’s eyes narrowed. “I… I’m sorry, Syo. I was… Just hoping to catch up on what I’d missed. The dance, the songs, the routine, schedule, the—”

Ren sighs, reaching out and taking ahold of his wrist. “Ichi— No, Tokiya, listen,” he says. Tokiya’s heart freezes. He’s not using his nickname. His body goes cold and he can only nod slowly, watching him. “You're just gonna run out and start overworking yourself again, I just know it. I don’t want you to get hurt again, you looked  _ miserable _ when you were hurt.” His eyes soften a little at that. Tokiya almost feels like he might cry, seeing Ren look so sad. “You have… You don’t have to stay home and take time off  _ today _ , but at least some time this week? Like, tomorrow or something? At least that much?” He asks, gently giving his wrist a squeeze.

Tokiya stares at his face, seeing all the desperation and sadness and concern in it, and his heart squeezes. He's seriously concerned for him  _ that _ much? He pauses for a second, then slowly nods. “I… I’ll take time off. Tomorrow,” he says, looking between the two. Syo frowns, narrowing his eyes at him. “And this time I really mean it, I will.”

Syo pauses, then sighs defeatedly. “Alright, fine,” he says, shaking his head. “I shouldn't give in… But, I’m trusting you.” He stomps on up to Tokiya, stabbing his finger into his chest. Right on his sternum, too… “So you better not break that trust!” Ren gently pulls the shorter man away, leaving Tokiya rubbing over his chest lightly.

“I won’t, I won’t,” he says, nodding. He won’t be a failure again, never again.

* * *

He just about froze in his place when all eyes landed upon him as he entered the studio. Quickly, he bowed his head, uttering a “good evening” to everyone else inside before moving to set down his bag. Almost like a magnet, Otoya gravitated to his side.

“Tokiya, what are you doing up? We’re gonna practice dancing today, and you only just got better,” he whispers, his voice stressed. Tokiya turns to him, smiling a little gently.

“Otoya, I might’ve only just improved, but that doesn't mean I can neglect work any longer,” he says back, brushing the redhead’s hair from his face. He frowns hard, shaking his head at that, and his look deepens. Somehow, it’s almost chilling to see how intense his eyes are.

Thank god for Syo and Ren finally coming inside at that moment, grabbing Otoya’s attention instead with the duo’s loud conversation. Tokiya paid no mind to them as he dug his clothes from his bag, slipping away to the changing room. Whatever Syo’s going on about, it’s none of his concern.

* * *

“Okay, we should take a break!”

Tokiya sighed at Natsuki’s cheerful voice calling a break, dropping his arms and shaking them out. It doesn't feel like they’ve done a lot, though he’s not been fully working for a while. Bed bound, the most he really could do is watch previous performances—he eventually stopped that, because everytime he picked apart all of his most minute mistakes and constantly compare himself to his coworkers doing a thousand times better than he is with enough stress that he’s surprised his hair didn't all pop out at once—and work on his singing, neither of which really being interesting or fun for him personally. He took a seat, narrowly catching a water bottle getting tossed to him as Cecil came over and sat by him.

“It’s fantastic to see you up and about again, Tokiya,” he says, stretching out his legs. Tokiya only hums and nods as he opens his bottle, taking a drink. “I believe Natsuki wished to cook for you a couple of times, but alas, everyone else brought you food before he ever could.” Ah, that’s endearing. If a dangerous sport to be playing. “He was always so sad upon hearing such!”

He takes another drink. “Well, I’ll have to thank him for being kind enough to think of me like that,” he says, smiling gently. “Even if he never got the chance to go through with it,”  _ thankfully, _ “the thought is still really nice.” Cecil hums and nods.

“I suppose he just cooked for Ren instead after a little while.” That's right, Ren’s the only one that handles his… Unique recipe interpretations and experiments, to put it nicely. “At least they were happy about it in the end, you know?”

Before Tokiya could respond, he heard his phone buzz a couple of times in his bag. Cecil perks up, turning to the sound quickly. “Ah, do you want me to grab that?” He asks. Tokiya nods, and Cecil digs through his bag just enough to hand his phone over to the older man, letting him open it and read the texts in peace.

_ From: Ren Jinguuji _

_ »hey ichi, u said ur gonna take time off tomorrow, right? _

_ Yes? Why do you ask?« _

_ »oh good _

_ »can u come w me somewhere? i just want to talk _

That’s curious. Why couldn't they talk in the dorms, and where is it?

_ »u dont have to drive anywhere urself, ill take u there _

_ Alright, then. Where are we even going?« _

_ »cant tell u rn, sorry. ill make up for it tho, i promise u that _

Sneaky. He looks up, seeing Ren across the room, leaning against the wall from where he sits. The strawberry blond’s eyes flick up to him, and he gives him a small smile and a wink, setting his heart ablaze. Ah…

_ Of course. What time tomorrow?« _

_ »probably like, 10pm? 9? _

_ »ik thats late for u, gotta get ur beauty sleep in and all, but its kinda important _

_ »at least, it is to me. idk about u _

_ Can we do it at 9, then?« _

_ »sure, its a date _

He feels his face heat up a little. That was probably a joke, but… Strangely enough, he actually was somewhat hoping it  _ was _ a date…

_ I’ll see you tomorrow at 9pm, then. It’s a date.« _

Peeking up, he saw the way Ren’s eyebrows raise, then his whole expression soften at the message. Was he hoping for a date, too? It’s wishful thinking, but he’s wishing deeply,  _ very _ deeply.

Over his shoulder he felt a presence leaning over him, and he barely had time to turn his screen off and hold his phone to his chest. “… Yes, Aijima-san?” The man squeaked in embarrassment, shrinking back into his seat.

“I-I apologise! I was simply curious is all, considering you were smiling so widely, and you looked extremely happy, and… Well…” Cecil says, circling his hands over one another as he tries explaining himself. Tokiya sighs through his nose, closing his eyes and shaking his head.

“It’s alright, Aijima-san, but please do not do it again.” As Cecil nods wildly enough for his hair to bounce, Tokiya leans across him, tucking his phone into his bag. A date…

He’s almost too excited for tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> he will b obsessing less n less now!!! but not 2 much. (:
> 
> they r going on a date next chapter. this will b smth mega soft 4 a bit, i dont hav da brain 2 make stress 4 him lolz


	9. Over the City

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tokiya has an outing with Ren that goes surprisingly well.

The next day, despite knowing his boredom would sicken him to no goddamn end, he kept his promise. He stayed home, kept himself busy. In fact, he ended up just buying Starbound for himself. Although he never really used Steam for too much of anything aside just having it there from insistent pushing by Ren, he’s actually rather glad he got it—and an account—in advance. He began installing the game, going to look over the planned schedule and at other things as it installed over time. Hmm… He’ll have to remake his Hylotl, which is sad… He almost got attached to the little guy.

Time passed pretty quickly, and he curled up when opening the game itself. He’s not particularly interested in making a new character at the very moment, but he is interested in looking at the other races. There’s so few, compared to how many Ren had at the time. Does he have to unlock them or something? Hm, but there’s not enough boxes or space, not like what Ren had… So many rows upon rows upon rows of individual races…

His eyes settle on Novakid curiously, looking through them with some interest. A race of gaseous, star-like people with no collected history or knowledge or anything of their pasts, that only recently showed up when found upon a planet, despite how they’ve been around for ages.

_ Knock knock. _

Tokiya nearly lept in the air. His eyes went to the clock and his face flushed red. Ah, it’s time. He’d gotten absorbed in looking through all the races… Oh, what a fool he is. It’s Ren out there. “Ichi?” That’s Ren, as he’d expected. “Are you just listening to the Starbound menu music in there…?”

“Ah— No, that’s the game itself,” he says, shutting his laptop and getting to his feet. “I’m sorry, but can you give me just a moment? I’ll be out shortly, I promise. It… Well, sort of passed my mind.” There’s a low chuckle from outside.

“Take your time, Ichi, it’s alright,” he says. Tokiya hears the door moving in its frame, signalling Ren leaning against it as he keeps talking. “Did you get the game just ‘cause of me?”

“I… Might have, yes.” He goes over to his dresser, pulling it open and pulling out some clothing to change into. “It’s just a little addictive. I don’t suppose I can get my Hylotl back from your game, now, can I?”

Tokiya feels his face flush red as Ren laughs a little. “Sadly, no,” he says, “but it’s cute that you got it from me. Maybe we could make a nice house together now, hmm?” A house with him… Somehow, for some reason, the thought of that makes his head race around. Oh his heart, his poor, poor heart.

“Yeah… That—That would be nice. I’d like that,” he says. “Maybe once we get home, we can get together and play?”

“Mmh,” Ren hums. “With what I’m planning, it’d be better if we just grabbed our computers and dragged them with us.” Are they staying somewhere for any reason? “Oh, you haven’t had dinner just yet, right?”

“No, I haven’t,” he says, pulling a graphic t-shirt on and smoothing it down. To himself, he quietly thanks Ranmaru for giving him some random ass shirts he’d found and—apparently—thought he’d wear, because now’s a good excuse to wear one. Then he pauses. “Ah, well… Where are we going?”

“Nowhere fancy, at least. If clothes are what you’re worrying about,” Ren says, and Tokiya sighs calmly, rummaging through for proper pants to pull on. That’s good. He slides out of his pyjama pants and slides into a pair of dark pants to go along with his shirt. He’ll grab a jacket on the way out, he decides, rummaging around for a mask to cover over his mouth, glasses, what else, what else…

“Ah, now that I think on it, let me go get my computer too, alright?” Ren says. “I’ll be back down in a little bit, so you don’t have to worry about, like… Coming to find me.”

“Alright,” he calls, quickly going to the bathroom to try and brush his hair down to lay flatter and get his bangs out of his face. When getting it to lay down doesn’t work for a while, he just sighs, moving to set it back down and taking his mask. It’s alright, he probably wouldn’t be figured out anyways. He tucks it into a bag, closing his laptop and sliding it into the bag as well.

The hallway is dark, is the first thing he notices upon stepping out of the room. Opening his glasses, he slides them on, scoffing at the dirt on them. Even if they’re fake, it’s still irritating. He takes it off, cleaning them with his shirt as he makes his way to the front door.

By the time he puts them back on, Ren’s already back out, his hair pulled back and out of his face into a high ponytail, a mask with a cat mouth on it that undoubtedly was gotten for him by Natsuki on. “Hey, Ichi,” he says, giving the man a lazy smile. Tokiya’s eyes squint some as he smiles up at him, grabbing a coat and pulling it on. “You ready?”

“Of course,” he says, letting Ren past him and falling in step behind the man as he begins out the door to his car. It’s crisp, the air quickly turning cold. Tokiya watches as his breath comes out in clouds in front of his face, shoving his hands into his pockets to try and keep them warm and squeezing his arms to his body. He hadn't noticed how cold it’d gotten at night over the month. Then again, he wasn't really going out at who knows what hours of the night or early morning, so he never really had a way  _ to _ figure that out.

He opens the door when he hears it unlock, sliding in and buckling himself up as he watches Ren pass around the car to the driver’s side. Tokiya sighs and rubs his hands over himself, smiling up at the man as he gets in, watching Ren buckle himself in. “Me too,” Ren sighs, starting up his car and turning on the heat. A hard shiver goes down Tokiya’s entire body when he feels the initial cold air hit him, and he feels his teeth chattering in his head. “Sorry, Ichi. Promise you, the drive’ll warm you right up.” Ren reaches a hand over, patting the man’s thigh, and Tokiya gives him a slight smile.

“I’ll be okay,” he says, lowering one hand to rest on top of Ren’s. God, he’s so warm, it almost makes him want to slide his hand into Ren’s. He hums, leaving his hand on Tokiya’s leg as he looks around to get out of the spot he’s parked in. The headlights flick on as the inside lights go off quickly, and before he knows it they’re starting off.

* * *

A quick meal at some restaurant they stopped by was nice. Tokiya didn’t really eat much that could be considered all that warm, but he let himself cheat a little on his typically strict healthy diet. He couldn’t quite deny Ren offering him food, especially not when he smiled so sweetly after Tokiya took some…

He shudders all over as he wakes up from his dozing, looking around at the streetlights. “You okay over there, Ichi?” Ren asks, his hand coming over and gently resting on top of his leg. “If you want to sleep, it’s alright to do.” Tokiya shakes his head, pulling away from the window and sitting up properly.

“Ah, no, no, I’m alright,” he says, leaning back in the warm seat. The constant sudden changes between cold and heat are making him ungodly lethargic, and he almost wanted to sink into the seat and just nap until Ren woke him up. But, he wouldn’t do that, not this time, at least. “Where are we going, anyways?”

Ren yawns widely as he stops at a red light, eyes on the road. He must be getting tired, too. Or maybe it’s just the warmth of the car. Hopefully it won’t be too awful for him to drive… “Ah, just a hotel,” he says. “I wanted some time out with you and you alone, and I knew I probably couldn’t get that back at the dorms. Not between your two roommates and my two, at least.” He chuckles. “And Ochibi-chan.”

Tokiya softly laughs, sliding his hand under Ren’s to hold it. He watches a soft smile go across the strawberry blond’s face, feeling the way his hand gently squeezes around Tokiya’s. Warm. Soon, though, the soft and warm feeling of the car comes to a stop, and Ren pulls his hand away slowly, regretfully, to pull his hair back into its ponytail. “Are you ready to go in, Ichi?” He asks. Tokiya sighs through his nose softly, nodding as he gets out of the car, pulling his mask up onto his face and putting on his glasses.

* * *

It was pretty simple, them getting a single room with two beds together. Surprisingly, the room they’d gotten was pretty high up. After his shower, Tokiya came out to an empty room. Did Ren abandon him…?

It was almost then and there that he heard his phone buzz on one of the nightstands, the screen quickly lighting up to show he’d gotten a message. Sudden fear gnaws at his stomach as he steps over, picking it up and checking it.

Oh. Oh, that’s a lot of messages.

He sits down on the bed, reading through them and responding to most.

_ From: Otoya Ittoki _

_ »where r u ): _

_ I just went out. Is there a problem at home?« _

_ »??? _

_ »y r u out??? _

_ I went out because Ren asked me to come with him« _

_ Why do you ask?« _

_ »omg _

_ »im so sorry ill leave u 2 alone now _

_ »ill tell rei-chan 2 dw _

_ Not like that!« _

_ Otoya!« _

Tokiya sighed in defeat when the rest of his messages went unanswered, watching as a new one popped up at the top of the screen. Opening it, he’s met with a couple more.

_ From: Reiji Kotobuki _

_ »tokki where are you?? _

_ »please text soon, me and otoyan are worried about you ): _

_ »are you safe? _

About thirty minutes later—the time it took for him to finish his shower—came his most recent message, one that made Tokiya’s face burn ever so slightly.

_ »(^: have fun with ren-ren! _

He didn’t mean that, nothing like that at all. But, still, it made him a little red…

Finally, he opened the last newest text he’d gotten, running his hand through his still-damp hair as he read it.

_ From: Ren Jinguuji _

_ »hey ichi, can u come to the roof once ur done w ur shower? and getting dressed, of course _

_ »as fun as it might be to see u in just a towel, i wont make u come out here, not as cold as it is _

Fun? How would it… Oh, he’s  _ flirting _ . Tokiya covered his mouth for a second at that, sending a text back.

_ I’ll be up in about 15, dry and dressed. Sorry, but no towel this time« _

_ »”this time” meaning there could be a next time? (; _

_ Ren, no« _

_ »lol. just get dressed and hurry up here, pretty boy. idk if u got clothes but theres some extras in my bag, so get those _

Tokiya huffs, smiling a little at that last text. That was fun. But, him flirting…

* * *

When Tokiya finally reaches the roof, dressed in the set of pyjamas Ren left for him. They were… Soft, honestly. That’s about the first thing he noticed. The second thing was that he couldn’t escape the intense smell of flowers and zesty fruits with it on now.

Standing on the roof was, as expected, Ren. His hair was still pulled up, but now he was just in a loose cardigan and low shirt, and his pyjama pants weren’t much to comment on. Tokiya comes by his side, mirroring the way he leaned against the brick railing.

Below, cars went on by, a mirage of lights, some still, some passing. Some went out, some came on, some went to park and some drove away. When he looked to the sky, above them hung the moon, seemingly larger than ever and accompanied by gently twinkling stars as far as the eye can see. It was comfortable, if cold, the silence between the two of them. Then, Ren cleared his throat, grabbing Tokiya’s attention.

“Mm… Ichi, have you ever been in love?”

Tokiya slowly looked up from his hands over to the man talking to him. He focused on how he has his hair brushed away from his face for once—it's a good look—and every detail of his face without the makeup they wear from work. He looks soft, smooth, perfect even. It's what their line of work requires, of course. But he's never noticed the freckles covering his face, or any part of him. Standing this close to him, this high up on a roof, overlooking the city at god knows what time, the moon being the only thing illuminating the two of them, he's noticing other small things about Ren.

In his low shirt, he sees the expanses of freckles over his shoulders and the back of his neck, which he… Never really thought much on. He never even considered his bandmate having any. Otoya has some, he knows that. Has he always covered them up? They look pretty on his skin. Before Ren calls the man out for staring, he looks to his face. Ren turns to him, smiling with a soft smile, his vibrantly blue eyes filled with such gentleness that he never expected Ren to look at him with. It made his heart flutter just a little bit, made him forget about all the stresses of being Tokiya Ichinose, of being an idol, of being who he is on stage. Here, now, he's just ‘Ichi.’

“… Once, yes," he says softly, watching how Ren studies him. Now Ren can't call him out on how he stared before speaking, although it did make him just a teensy bit embarrassed. Ren's fond smile grew as he looked back up to his face, pushing away from the brick railing.

“Would it be impolite to ask how it ended?” The raven-haired man stares at Ren for a good few seconds, shaking his head as he takes in his beauty. Before Ren has a chance to speak, to apologise or push him further or who knows what, Tokiya opens his mouth.

“It hasn't.”

Ren’s eyes bore into him quietly as they stay still, taking a moment or so to process it, to go through his own words. “What do… You mean by that?” He asks. His voice was so gentle, so quiet, Tokiya nearly didn’t hear it over the sound of the cars below. Slowly, Tokiya turns, leaning his lower back against the edge and watching Ren come to stand in front of him.

“It… Hasn’t ended,” he says softly. “I’m still… In love with…”  _ You. I’m in love with you, so fully. _

“With?” Ren leans in a little. He’s so close, so close he can feel his heart beating in his throat, he can hear his blood in his ears. There’s almost a… Almost a hopeful look in Ren’s eyes, he swears. There’s a chance, there’s a chance…

“… You,” he whispers, and Ren’s eyes widen. He fucked up. He fucked up so bad, and he can’t even be assed to care about it.

“Do you promise?” Ren asks quickly. “Please, please promise.”

Tokiya almost feels like he could start crying, almost feels like he could break and fall apart, and he’d be just as happy with it. He nods, silently mouthing  _ I promise _ , and Ren leans in, putting his forehead to Tokiya’s. “Can I please… May… Well…” He fumbles, his hands coming up to cup both of his cheeks and gently rub over them. This is such a new side of him, a new side of Ren. Always the flirtatious playboy, it’s such a new thing to see the gorgeous man as he shifts about, his eyes flickering between his lips and his blue eyes. Their noses are just about touching, and Tokiya feels dizzy off the feeling. He feels desired, wanted so much, that he nearly feels like a fool for not even considering it beforehand. “Am… Am I allowed to… Ah…”

Slowly, Tokiya smiles, holding his face in between his hands. His hands softly press his cheeks together, and one of his thumbs lightly brush over his bottom lip. He’s embarrassed, nervous, shy. It’s hard to believe this man is known to be the most romantic, when he’s already squirming shyly as his face is held.

“… You may,” Tokiya murmurs, seeing the thankful look in Ren’s eyes before they close. He only sees the saxophonist lean in for a second before his own eyes close and he gently presses his lips to the strawberry blond, a light kiss between the two of them. Ren’s lips are soft, softer than he’s ever thought he’d imagine, and when he pulls back he feels like he’s floating. Ren’s face is deep red, his mouth moving slowly as if he’s trying to think aloud.

“… Wow,” he whispers, looking at Tokiya. There was a moment of silence before the raven-haired man snorted, then burst into laughter, barely hiding it behind his hand. It was loud, full of energy, full of love and humour. Ren huffs in faked irritation, leaning away. His hands stay on Tokiya’s face, though. “What? What’re you laughing at, Ichi?”

“You kiss me, and the first thing you say is ‘wow’?” Tokiya giggles, burying his face in Ren’s palm and holding onto his wrist with one hand. “Seriously? You said ‘wow,’ of all things, Ren!”

“It’s— I’ve never  _ actually _ kissed anyone before! Don’t make fun of me!” Ren gently rocks Tokiya left and right, pinching his cheeks. “Quit laughing! You would have, too!”

“But it’s  _ you _ , Ren!” He counters. The pinching doesn’t hurt, it almost tickles instead. It’s affectionate, in a way. “You’re the type of person that no one expects to say something as lame as ‘wow’ after kissing someone that confessed  _ to _ him! You’d have expected that from the one getting kissed, don’t you agree?” He wraps his arms around Ren’s neck, feeling him let go of his cheeks and wrap his arms around Tokiya’s waist instead. “Especially if they’re getting kissed by the most wonderful, most charming man in the universe, Ren Jinguuji himself.”

Ren’s cheeks slowly go red at Tokiya’s words, and he lowly hums, resting his forehead against the singer’s. The two stay together for some few seconds in silence, gently rocking ever so slightly and smiling to each other. “… You know, Ichi, I’ve been…” He trails off for a second, hand softly rubbing over Tokiya’s lower back. “I’ve been wanting to do this for a while now. I didn’t want us to keep dancing around one another, wondering if the other would finally make a move—”

“Ren,” Tokiya suddenly interrupts, and Ren’s eyes quickly snap to look into his intently as he continues, “would you believe me if I told you I never admitted my feelings to you because I… I so strongly believed that you didn’t feel the same way, or even that you were with someone else, and I didn’t want to ruin that for you?” There was a brief pause, long enough and quiet enough for Tokiya to feel his heart in his chest, then…

“ _ Snrk _ —” Ren snorted, pulling away and turning his head. Now it was Tokiya's turn to be embarrassed. “I’m sorry, Ichi, but are you  _ serious _ ?”

“Wha— Yes, I’m serious!” He huffs, smiling despite how he really felt. Oh, it’s less fun to be on the receiving end of teasing.

“Ichi— No, Tokiya, I’ve been as blatantly obvious as I could be with showing you I’m into you and you  _ alone _ , just short of painting ‘I love Tokiya Ichinose’ on my forehead,” he says, holding Tokiya’s face between his hands. “How the hell did you convince yourself that so strongly that you were totally blind to it?”

“Hush!” Tokiya huffs instead, squirming as Ren rubs and smooshes his cheeks teasingly. “Don’t blame me!”

“But it’s your fault!” Ren laughs, leaning in and gently peppering Tokiya’s lips and cheeks with kisses. Looks like someone’s had these stored up for too long, and Tokiya wasn’t about to stop him. Every peck on his lips was met with one back from him, and it wasn’t long until the gentle peppers of kisses became full, proper kisses, Ren rubbing his thumbs over Tokiya’s cheeks and humming quietly into the kiss. “Mmm… Do you want to go back inside now?” He asks, slowly opening his eyes and looking at him.

Tokiya nods. Inside would be great. “Does… Does this mean we’re…?”

Ren snorts, pulling away to take his hand instead. His lips felt tingly and he could’ve sworn they tasted like cherries now. “I sure hope so. I didn’t give you two years worth of pure love for nothing.”

Tokiya laughs, following Ren back inside, giving the strawberry blond’s hand a slight squeeze. “I’m glad to be with you, Ren.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY they r DATING now i can write them giving each other fucking kisses letz gooo


	10. Happy Dawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tokiya awakes to Ren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [shakes bowl] tokiren stans come get yall food

When Tokiya woke up, his bed felt larger than before. And… Warmer, a lot warmer. He rolls over onto his other side, leaning into the source of the comfortable warmth.

“… Mmm…” His eyes slowly open at the sound. That sounds like Ren… Wait. Ren?

He pushes himself up, looking down at the sleeping figure before him. Strawberry blond hair frames his freckle-coated face, and it looks like he’s still well asleep, nuzzled in the way he is. Slowly, realisation comes to him, and he finds himself feeling warmer in more than just his chest at the memory of what happened the previous day. He and Ren, they…

“Why do you have that face, Ichi? You’re gonna get wrinkles all over your pretty self, with your eyebrows like that…”

He jumps, his eyes focusing again on the man under the covers. Ren slowly grins, giving him a soft smile as he reaches up to cup his cheek. “There you are, handsome,” he purrs, rubbing his thumb across his lips. Tokiya’s expression softens as he holds Ren’s hand, kissing his thumb and humming. “What made you look that way?”

Tokiya lays back down, cuddling into Tokiya’s warmth. The strawberry blond leans in and presses a kiss to his lips, taking Tokiya’s soft hands into his own. Tokiya moves his fingers to lace them with Ren’s, smiling at the way the older man’s face turns gentle. “Well? There’s gotta be some reason, isn’t there?”

“Hmm…” Tokiya hums, looking up at Ren. “I was just thinking about… What had happened last night. The kiss we’d shared… Not— It wasn’t a bad thing!” He stutters when he sees Ren’s eyes widen. “That’s not it at all! I just… Well… It was nice. It made me happy to know that… You feel the same way I do.”

Ren blinks, then chuckles, kissing over his lips softly. Tokiya’s heart flutters in his chest at that, and he quickly relaxes once more. “I know, Ichi, I know,” he says, “I was teasing you a little. You didn’t look upset, just like you were thinking. So, I wanted to know what got my handsome man smiling the way he did.” Handsome… Tokiya’s heart beats harder and he hums.

“You’re too sweet, Ren,” he murmurs, leaning in and kissing him back. Ren mumbles something Tokiya can only assume is sweet in Italian, cupping his cheek again and rubbing his thumb over it as Tokiya shuts his eyes. Warm… “Are you wearing anything under these covers?” There was a long pause, and he ends up opening his eyes to seeing Ren’s embarrassed face. Don’t tell him… “You aren’t seriously naked, are you?”

Ren keeps up the guilty look for a few seconds before snorting, shaking his head with a laugh. The way the corners of his eyes crinkle brings a surprising amount of joy to his heart. “No, no, I have something on. Not a lot, but it’s more than nothing.” Tokiya sighs, kissing his nose.

“Don’t play with me like that so much, you dork,” Tokiya gently scolds, and Ren only hums in a way that he knows is him choosing to ignore his words. “I mean it! I’ll revoke your newfound Tokiya kisses license if I have to!” Ren  _ gasps _ at that, his eyes growing wide.

“You wouldn’t  _ dare. _ ” Two can play at a game if they please. Tokiya smirks, rolling Ren on his back and sitting on his lap.

“I would dare,” he retorts, and he watches as a myriad of emotions pass his face. Playful shock, to  _ actual _ shock, to something unreadable, to gentle affection, staring up at Tokiya as if he was the most beautiful thing in the world, as if he was the  _ only _ thing in the world, as if he… Was  _ Ren’s _ world.

Honestly, just thinking about it made his face start to burn. Ah, that’s…

“You know, I’m glad I get to have this kind of view,” Ren says, pulling him out of his thoughts as his hands rest on his hips. “You’re so pretty, even now. If I died here, I think I’d die the happiest man who’s ever been upon this earth.” Tokiya covers his mouth with one hand. If the tears coming to his eyes are being viewed with so much intense adoration or at the thought of being alone once more, losing his love, he’s not sure which it could be.

“Don’t talk about dying, Ren,” he manages after a second, sliding back to sit on his thighs as Ren sits up. Shirtless, he notices how many more freckles dot his entire body, his shoulders and chest especially covered in the little marks. Without thinking, he runs his hand over his chest, his eyes quickly going up to his face. Ren’s eyes are widened in surprise, and he softly holds Tokiya’s face, wiping at his eyes with his thumbs.

“Ah, I’m sorry, Ichi,” he mumbles, putting his forehead to the raven-haired man’s. “I didn’t think much of it, my handsome, I’m sorry.” Tokiya leans into his hands, his eyelids fluttering shut as he leans into the warmth. He’s alive, he’s okay. It’s alright here with him, it really is.

“It’s okay. So long as you’re okay.” Ren leans in and presses a kiss to the corner of Tokiya’s lips when he finishes speaking, rocking with the man slowly. Warm… Tokiya stifles a yawn at the comfortable heat, leaning into Ren some more, and the strawberry blond chuckles softly.

“Sleepy again, Ichi?” He asks, stroking his hair. “We should probably get up, even if it’s just to get food and come back here.” Tokiya gives him a questioning look. Return? Why wouldn’t they go back home? “Mm? What’s that face for, my honey?”

“It’s—” Tokiya pauses, giving him a sweet smile at the nickname. Ren chuckles a little, then tilts his head, prompting him to continue again. “It’s just… Why are we coming back here? Shouldn’t we be thinking about heading back home?” Absently, Tokiya starts to wonder about if there’s any work that day, and his shoulders suddenly feel heavier on his back. Work… It’s a good thing he’s fairly certain they don’t, since he’s not sure if he’s ready to come back to earth just yet. He’s having such a nice time now, enjoying an outing with his new boyfriend, and—

_ Greedy little bastard. _

Tokiya barely has time to react before Ren’s nudging him softly. “Ichi, you there?” He asks, leaning in towards Tokiya’s face. He stares up at Ren, his body suddenly feeling cold. “Are you okay, Ichi?”

Tokiya swallows, his mouth suddenly dry. He’s gotten greedy again, not taking into consideration what he’s supposed to do. Of course. “Y— Yes,” he murmurs, all too politely as his eyes turn downwards to his lap. Ren frowns at him, lifting his head up so their eyes meet.

“Hey, Ichi,” he says, “do you remember what I’ve told you?” What he’s told him? What did he… “You can have a break. Remember that?” Ah, that. Tokiya nods slowly, not believing in his voice being loud enough to say anything, or even getting to say the  _ right _ thing. “You don’t need to worry about work. I’m just assuming work, since that’s the kind of expression you had on, anyways.” Ren can read him like a book. Well, almost. More like a book, but in a different language. He’s close, and it still kinda works, but it’s not exactly… All the way there.

Tokiya nods slowly, feeling Ren kiss his forehead. “We’ll go get breakfast, then come back and relax some. Maybe a bit of playing together, now that you’ve got Starbound. How about it, hmm?” The strawberry blond offers him a smile, and Tokiya can’t help but smile back at him. He nods, silently mouthing  _ okay _ to the man before he was gently moved out of his lap. “This evening, we’ll go back home.” Tokiya nods again, mumbling ‘okay’ softly as he regains his voice. “Let’s get dressed then, mm? I gotta do my makeup, too.” Ren winks, standing and going to pick up clothes. Wait…

“Makeup?” Tokiya repeats, standing slowly himself. He looks around in his bag. Oh, he must’ve not grabbed anything. Looking up at Ren, he’s met with clothes and an amused smile. He knew he was gonna be unprepared. Ah…

“Yeah, just a little bit of concealer,” he says, turning away when Tokiya takes the clothes. He even has freckles over his back. “Just enough to cover up…” When he turns, he motions over his face. “... This.”

“Why don’t you like your freckles?” Tokiya asks, starting to strip out of his pyjama shirt—Ren’s shirt—to change them. Ren shifts, turning.

“I just don’t… Think they look good,” he mumbles. Tokiya stares, his eyes widening a little. He what? “Neither of my brothers have them, and my dad doesn’t either, so I kinda grew up… Wishing I didn’t have them, that’s all.”

Tokiya stares silently at his back, watching him disappear into the bathroom. Oh… He never realised that about Ren. Swallowing, he starts talking calmly. “Well,” he says, “I think they look good on you, nonetheless. Most people already know your face without the freckles, maybe with them they’d just glance over you, believe you to be a lookalike.” There’s a pause between them, then Ren hums.

“Are you trying to convince me not to hide them?” Tokiya blushes as he pulls on Ren’s pants. Ah…

“Perhaps. Is it working?”

“Sly devil. I’ll indulge you for today,” he responds. Tokiya hums in response, pulling on a pair of socks as Ren exits the bathroom, carefully braiding his hair and tucking it away from his face. Tokiya smiles up at the strawberry blond from his seat on the bed, and Ren leans down to give him a gentle kiss, holding his face. “You’re lucky.”

“One point for me today,” Tokiya hums back, their noses pressed together. Ren hums and softly kisses him, brushing his hair back from his face with his fingers. When they part, they stay close, gently looking at one another. “I’ll pay it back later.”

“Mm.” Ren pulls away after a moment and straightens up. “You ready to go and get food for the two of us?” Tokiya nods, taking Ren’s hand as he stands and follows him out.

* * *

“Ichi?”

“Mm?”

“What on  _ earth— _ ” Ren stifles a snort, laughing softly. “What are you doing? What is that?”

Tokiya looks up from his laptop to the man laying next to him. Despite the confusion in his voice, there’s so much joy on his face, his eyes squeezed shut from the size of his grin, laughter in his voice. “What? I just thought it’d be a good decorative thing.”

“You made a— Is this meant to be a ladder or something? Is this why you asked for so much wood? Did you make a ladder? Our house isn’t even that big yet!” Ren laughs, dropping his head to the bed. The press moves his mouse, and Tokiya has to stifle his laugh as he watches Ren’s little Novakid—who was cleverly named Billy, from Ren randomising the name maybe twice, and currently sporting what he only believes look like goat horns from one of the mods he’d helped Tokiya install—swing around wildly. “Ichi!”

“Ren!” He responds, leaning down and pressing kisses to his cheeks. The strawberry blond laughs loudly, squirming around. “Look, we can take from the top of it and start building downwards, too. Then we can have a basement, or a cave. Or both.”

Ren slowly calms down, leaning up to give Tokiya a few gentle kisses on his lips. “Alright, alright, fine, we’ll have your weird tower,” he says, his head turning at the sound of a Steam message coming through. “Ah? Oh, it’s Aimi.” Tokiya lets him up, laying next to him and resting his head on his shoulder as he messages the senior.

_ Are you playing Starbound alone?« _

_ »nope~ playing w my cute bf _

Tokiya feels his face get warmer, and he turns and pushes it into Ren’s shoulder for a second. Ren chuckles, moving to rub his scalp and turning to kiss his forehead affectionately, until the next message.

_ You have a boyfriend now? Congratulations. I assume it’s Tokiya?« _

_ »how did u know??? _

_ Reiji. He didn’t stop talking about it in our Twitter group chat yesterday evening until he fell asleep.« _

Tokiya blinks, then sinks down into the bed a little with newfound disappointment. Ah, he was so excited to tell everyone himself. He should’ve expected it, but…

_ »ya its true. hes super sweet. got the game bc i let him play when his ankle was sprained _

He looks up to Ren as he continues, seeing his soft smile and leaning over to kiss him. “Sorry I’m chatting with Aimi so much.” Tokiya shakes his head, kissing him back.

“It’s okay.” Another message comes in, and the two turn to the screen.

_ Well, I will leave you two be for now. I will be on Warframe for a bit.« _

_ »dont u fucking speedrun that game _

_ I won’t. Not that much. Have fun with your boyfriend, Ren.« _

Ren huffs, turning to Tokiya and softly pressing a kiss to the raven-haired man's temple. “Sorry, Ichi,” he mumbles, pressing gentle kisses to his lips. Tokiya shakes his head and hums, kissing him back with each of Ren’s little pecks. Soft. He tastes like strawberries, he absently thinks.

“It’s okay,” he says, putting his forehead to the other man’s. “Let’s keep playing for a little, okay?” With an amused grin, he adds, “Maybe I can continue my tower.”

Ren laughs, pulling away and shaking his head. “You’re ridiculous. I love you.” He rubs Tokiya’s back, turning to keep playing with him, just a little.

* * *

Tokiya grumbles when Ren shakes him, hands rubbing at his eyes. “Are we home already?” He mumbles tiredly, opening his eyes to look over to his side. It looks like they’re parked somewhere outside. Looking out the window tiredly, he sees they’ve made it back to the dorms. The dorms…

“We’re back home. We should get inside before it gets much colder, okay?” Ren says, his voice gentle. Tokiya yawns and nods, rubbing over his neck and shoulders as he moves to unbuckle himself and get out of the car. A sudden cold breeze hits him, and he shivers, waking himself up faster. Jeez…

He stands as he hears the driver’s side door shut behind him, pulling out his bag and situating it properly before he shuts the door as well. The headlights flash for just a second as it locks, and Ren locks arms with Tokiya as the two walk in. The singer can’t help himself shivering all over, leaning into the man more and more as they walk. It looks like Ren’s more than willing to lean back, shudders running down his own spine until they get inside.

“Maybe we should’ve left earlier…” Tokiya mumbles. He knows he doesn’t feel the exact same; not as much time with him, it wouldn’t have been as good of a day as it was. As the two get out of their shoes, the lights suddenly flick on.

“Happy dating day!” Otoya cheers, hopping out from behind a chair. Syo hops up as well, his fists in the air, along with Reiji and Cecil, the last of the four looking as if he doesn’t know what’s actually going on but is more than happy to celebrate with them.

“We had heard of you and Tokiya finally getting together from these two, so we wanted to celebrate!” Syo beams, his hands on his hips as he jerks his head over to Otoya and Reiji as ‘these two.’ Tokiya turns to look at Ren, who seems just as surprised as he is, then back to the scene in front of the two of them.

“I am very excited for the both of you!” Cecil says, clapping his hands together. “We are not allowed to have a full celebration for your realisation of your emotions towards one another—” Wait, was it really that obvious? Tokiya shares another glance at Ren, who looks like he’s thinking,  _ Did everyone else actually see what we felt for each other before we saw it ourselves? _ , then back to Cecil. “—but we still would like to cheer for you! Perhaps in the morning we could truly celebrate, because the only issue of the current time is the fact that it is so late at night currently.”

“A… Ah…” Tokiya begins, staring at the four men who surprised them.

“Well…” Ren is at a loss for words too, it seems. Otoya shifts nervously on his feet, and Tokiya can see slight concern on his face. “… I won’t say  _ no _ to a celebration. It might be something normal, but hey, we can use it as an excuse to ‘team build,’ if anyone asks.” Ren wraps an arm around Tokiya, pulling him into his side gently, and Tokiya instantly rests his head on the man’s shoulder.

  
Reiji’s excited cheer is met by irritated shouts of ‘ _ Shut up! _ ’ from the dorms of his bandmates, and Tokiya shakes his head a little, smiling. They’ll be happier in the morning, surely, at the prospect of entertainment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and here comes the trope of "i think he likes me" "congrats! youre officially the last person to know!" but like, on both ends

**Author's Note:**

> sorry in advance tokiya stans uwu
> 
> if u wanna yell @ me in later chapters, my tumblr is https://absol-rose.tumblr.com/ and i have anon on


End file.
